So, if you were raised by parents who actually tried to allow you to develop a creative mind, like mine, you were probably told that there is no such thing as a stupid question.
Well....
I'm here to tell you that's a fucking lie.
And the crazy part about it is that the stupid question was a question I asked my damn self!!
So someone I care about a lot is going through hell and back right now and I'm trying to be there for her but she doesn't respond to my calls and she rarely texts me back... So me, being me, say "Well... her phone is always off and she's going through a lot so I know she doesn't wanna talk 4real..."
Then the stupid question hit...
I sat here and thought... "How do you be there for someone who doesn't act like they want you around?" And I was serious though!
I coulda slapped myself. As soon as my mind comprehended that thought.... automatic straight face -_- ......
Answer to the stupid question of 2013...
YOU FUCKING DON'T. And I know that. So let me fully explain.
When people are going through shit and you try to be there for them but they look right through your efforts, you know what you do?? You say... "Okay, I tried..." and you go on with your life. When people have all the chaos in their life calming down, they will realize that you were trying to be there for them and you care. If they don't see it they are blind and then you pull out the Young Dro anthem "F.D.B" and move on. People come to you when they are ready. Not before. You can't force people to listen, or deal with things, or talk to you any faster than they want to. And MOST IMPORTANTLY...
JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT IS GOING THROUGH SHIT... YOU CANNOT... I repeat... YOU CANNOT MAKE THEIR PROBLEM THE PROBLEM IN YOUR LIFE AS WELL.
That's how you drive yourself nuts. Here's the script I've memorized:
"You're hurting, I understand, I sympathize with your pain. I understand that you have a lot on your plate and it's probably overwhelming. I want you to know that I'm here for you, when you're ready to talk give me a call or shoot me a text"
You say that. Just that. You don't get your emotions involved. You don't make it about you. It's not about you. When someone is hurting, grieving, mourning... you DO NOT make their grief about you... Here's what you don't say:
"You're hurting, I understand, I sympathize with your pain. I understand that you have a lot on your plate and it's probably overwhelming. I want you to know I'm here for you, but you're acting like you don't see me trying. I'm always calling to check on you, I'm always texting you and you never fucking respond. How am I supposed to be here for you in your time of need if you act like you don't even want me here? Answer me that."
That ladies and gents, is a very fast way to get yourself deleted and blocked from someone's phone and life. While you may be feeling that way, understand that this isn't about you. It's a very selfish thing to feel, but most humans are selfish beings, so I don't fault you on that. It's also very immature. When you actually care about someone their moment of need is more important than your desire to be noticed.
And that's my schooling for the day.
There is such a thing as a stupid ass question, and now, it's been answered.
Thanks for listening.
.Just1InspiredMind.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Randoms
Over the past few days I've been doing a lot of thinking about my life, my steps, my past and my future.
So I'm saying this right now.
Everything I've gone through is just that, things I've gone through. They didn't make me and they will not break me.
I've had my fair share of bullshit from myself and other people...
I've had my family broken up, my spirit broken down and my emotions spun around but today I took control of the realms of my own life again.
I'll be damned if anyone but me holds the keys to my future and the potential I have.
Today I give up obligation to people who have no obligation to me.
A few months ago I was in self-help mode, and don't get me wrong... EVERYDAY I'm still working and moving towards a more independent and self-sufficient me.
But a couple months after I declared myself- ME! someone walked into my life that I couldn't let pass me by.
And yes, I know, just because something walks by you doesn't mean you have to grab it... but I would have been a fool to not say something.
So... this time I'm doing it right. I'm taking it slow and still living my life. I'm happy because of me and I'm happy because of them but for the first time in a long time... I'm happy in my own skin.
I'm in love with me loving me.
I'm in awe and adoration of what a few months of ME can do...
I feel like I can write me book now... because I finally feel like I'm on the road To The Woman I've Become...
So I'm saying this right now.
Everything I've gone through is just that, things I've gone through. They didn't make me and they will not break me.
I've had my fair share of bullshit from myself and other people...
I've had my family broken up, my spirit broken down and my emotions spun around but today I took control of the realms of my own life again.
I'll be damned if anyone but me holds the keys to my future and the potential I have.
Today I give up obligation to people who have no obligation to me.
A few months ago I was in self-help mode, and don't get me wrong... EVERYDAY I'm still working and moving towards a more independent and self-sufficient me.
But a couple months after I declared myself- ME! someone walked into my life that I couldn't let pass me by.
And yes, I know, just because something walks by you doesn't mean you have to grab it... but I would have been a fool to not say something.
So... this time I'm doing it right. I'm taking it slow and still living my life. I'm happy because of me and I'm happy because of them but for the first time in a long time... I'm happy in my own skin.
I'm in love with me loving me.
I'm in awe and adoration of what a few months of ME can do...
I feel like I can write me book now... because I finally feel like I'm on the road To The Woman I've Become...
Monday, November 28, 2011
Day 6 and 7: Happy Go Tori
Hey Hey Hey!!
I hope everyone had an amazing weekend and holiday once again! I pray that everyone stayed safe with shopping this weekend and no one got caught up with that one person who SWEARS "I WAS HERE FIRST!" Lol. I wish peace and blessings unto ya'll this evening...
Last night my bro came over for some hours and we fooled!! I had so much fun enjoying his company and playing like we used to back in the day. It's a nice feeling to have someone randomly pop up and check on you. We watched the football game, (Pittsburgh v. KC)... well he watched the football game and I cleaned the kitchen and cooked us some dinner lol. Country fried porkchops, mashed potatoes with sour cream and chives, butter baked green beans and homemade sweet potato corn muffins! Everything was amazing and I was happy just to have some company :)
I finally fixed everything in my bathroom yesterday and enjoyed the best and longest shower EVER!! Compliments of Bath and Body Works...
I had a dentist appointment this morning that I rescheduled because I woke up feeling sick as dog, but it passed and I went to my statistics class at 3:30... well... 3:50 and then I went to the dollar store. I grabbed some gloves, hats and scarves for the Zeta Phi Beta table in the OC tomorrow and started walking home. And you'd know my dumb butt left my house keys in my truck which was now on the other side of town. So I wrapped myself in a scarf, put on a pair of gloves and a hat and sat on my porch in what felt like the thinnest jeans and coat I could have ever possibly picked out FREEZING. 30 minutes later, my keys were brought to me and when I tell you I was THANKFUL!!! Babyyyyy!! You don't even have an idea! I walked in my house and Thanked God for HEAT! OKAAYYY!!???!!
I'm in the process of heating up some dinner right now, I'm tempted to bake some Mostaccioli tonight but I don't know if I feel up to it, I might have to do that tomorrow. I do still have lasagna in the fridge.... I think?? I might have ate that already lol.
But right now I'm sitting in my living room feeling extremely good, extremely thankful and blessed as always. About to eat my food, drink my drink lol and watch a movie. It's been a long time since I've had a natural high and joy in my life.... It's been even longer since I was the reason for it and I'm cherishing and loving every second of it.
Oh yea! I did a little Cyber Monday shopping today, I would like to knock it all out by midnight so I'll be done! I decided I'm getting my mom her favorite wine and some godiva, my grandmama is anything blue and white so Homegoods here I come... I have my dad's girlfriend investigating what he wants. My little brother and sister are a tad bit tricky... my granddaddy... I'm thinking about getting him a pocket watch... the one's that are on the chain with an engravement and my stepdad... he's probably going to get a monogrammed Portfolio for work :)
It's a wonderful day in my world... I hope it is in yours too.
Smile! Laugh! Love! and Don't be afraid to LIVE!
~Victoria Ashley
I hope everyone had an amazing weekend and holiday once again! I pray that everyone stayed safe with shopping this weekend and no one got caught up with that one person who SWEARS "I WAS HERE FIRST!" Lol. I wish peace and blessings unto ya'll this evening...
Last night my bro came over for some hours and we fooled!! I had so much fun enjoying his company and playing like we used to back in the day. It's a nice feeling to have someone randomly pop up and check on you. We watched the football game, (Pittsburgh v. KC)... well he watched the football game and I cleaned the kitchen and cooked us some dinner lol. Country fried porkchops, mashed potatoes with sour cream and chives, butter baked green beans and homemade sweet potato corn muffins! Everything was amazing and I was happy just to have some company :)
I finally fixed everything in my bathroom yesterday and enjoyed the best and longest shower EVER!! Compliments of Bath and Body Works...
I had a dentist appointment this morning that I rescheduled because I woke up feeling sick as dog, but it passed and I went to my statistics class at 3:30... well... 3:50 and then I went to the dollar store. I grabbed some gloves, hats and scarves for the Zeta Phi Beta table in the OC tomorrow and started walking home. And you'd know my dumb butt left my house keys in my truck which was now on the other side of town. So I wrapped myself in a scarf, put on a pair of gloves and a hat and sat on my porch in what felt like the thinnest jeans and coat I could have ever possibly picked out FREEZING. 30 minutes later, my keys were brought to me and when I tell you I was THANKFUL!!! Babyyyyy!! You don't even have an idea! I walked in my house and Thanked God for HEAT! OKAAYYY!!???!!
I'm in the process of heating up some dinner right now, I'm tempted to bake some Mostaccioli tonight but I don't know if I feel up to it, I might have to do that tomorrow. I do still have lasagna in the fridge.... I think?? I might have ate that already lol.
But right now I'm sitting in my living room feeling extremely good, extremely thankful and blessed as always. About to eat my food, drink my drink lol and watch a movie. It's been a long time since I've had a natural high and joy in my life.... It's been even longer since I was the reason for it and I'm cherishing and loving every second of it.
Oh yea! I did a little Cyber Monday shopping today, I would like to knock it all out by midnight so I'll be done! I decided I'm getting my mom her favorite wine and some godiva, my grandmama is anything blue and white so Homegoods here I come... I have my dad's girlfriend investigating what he wants. My little brother and sister are a tad bit tricky... my granddaddy... I'm thinking about getting him a pocket watch... the one's that are on the chain with an engravement and my stepdad... he's probably going to get a monogrammed Portfolio for work :)
It's a wonderful day in my world... I hope it is in yours too.
Smile! Laugh! Love! and Don't be afraid to LIVE!
~Victoria Ashley
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Day 5: Just random thoughts of poetry
PRESS PLAY AND READ
Ya know...
Being alone can be nice
When you have the time for
Silence...
Serenity...
When you can close your eyes and
Drift away....
and just hope you don't end up falling
Because that's when you realize there's no one there to catch you...
Being alone
Can be uplifting.
It can make you stronger
Wiser
and sometimes it can even make you nicer
Not having to deal with someone else all the time
I lay here
In my own home
In my own room
In my own bed
that was once shared by a woman I loved
Wondering
How long is it going to take for me to love again?
When will I be able to give my heart away and trust the person that I give it to?
When will the time come...
When I love myself more than any of these materialistic things in life?
When will I finally get it together?
To so many people I'm just so grown...
So strong...
So wise...
so ahead of my time
But to some...
I'm still a child,
and I wonder if they see me that way because...
because I haven't been through the same things...
if they see me like this because I was given most of the things i have
and I didn't have to work for them
But it doesn't mean that I couldn't have.
When?
5 or 6 years from now will I call you mine and will I be yours
Will you even remember my name
Will you remember my face
If you see me...
Will you speak?
How long will it take before I stop reaching for a touch?
How long will it be before the pain is just waaayy too much?
Why do I let myself get to his point?
Why do I hurt so bad only knowing that I'm going to disappoint me
That no matter how hard I wish, how much I pray about it
This is the way it's going to be so why cry about it?
I pray for strength,
I pray for wisdom and courage.
Walking back into a jungle after being sheltered isn't easy.
Having someone who loves you and looks out for your every move
I wish i would have appreciated you
The little things that you do
I wish I would have said thank you more often
I wish I would have never ever asked you to move...
And just said, "Excuse me."
Because that's all you wanted
I wish I would have have told you I loved you more
and I wish you really would have knew
I wish I could have explained things better
to help you understand...
I wish I would have never lashed out at you
and would have just been your backbone...
like you knew me to be
like I should have been
Where I want to be.
But it's all done now
Its all a memory
All a part of my hope box, my memories, my journals and my diaries.
A piece of my mind that i don't like to reflect on...
Waiting for it to go away
I wonder if I smoked a blunt....
If i could selectively erase just one page
Probably not...
And while tomorrow is a new day
It will probably still bring the same struggles of yesterday.
But for now... I feel beautiful and I can breathe in
Serenity
And breathe out
Solitude
And that's all I need...
-Victoria Ashley
Ya know...
Being alone can be nice
When you have the time for
Silence...
Serenity...
When you can close your eyes and
Drift away....
and just hope you don't end up falling
Because that's when you realize there's no one there to catch you...
Being alone
Can be uplifting.
It can make you stronger
Wiser
and sometimes it can even make you nicer
Not having to deal with someone else all the time
I lay here
In my own home
In my own room
In my own bed
that was once shared by a woman I loved
Wondering
How long is it going to take for me to love again?
When will I be able to give my heart away and trust the person that I give it to?
When will the time come...
When I love myself more than any of these materialistic things in life?
When will I finally get it together?
To so many people I'm just so grown...
So strong...
So wise...
so ahead of my time
But to some...
I'm still a child,
and I wonder if they see me that way because...
because I haven't been through the same things...
if they see me like this because I was given most of the things i have
and I didn't have to work for them
But it doesn't mean that I couldn't have.
When?
5 or 6 years from now will I call you mine and will I be yours
Will you even remember my name
Will you remember my face
If you see me...
Will you speak?
How long will it take before I stop reaching for a touch?
How long will it be before the pain is just waaayy too much?
Why do I let myself get to his point?
Why do I hurt so bad only knowing that I'm going to disappoint me
That no matter how hard I wish, how much I pray about it
This is the way it's going to be so why cry about it?
I pray for strength,
I pray for wisdom and courage.
Walking back into a jungle after being sheltered isn't easy.
Having someone who loves you and looks out for your every move
I wish i would have appreciated you
The little things that you do
I wish I would have said thank you more often
I wish I would have never ever asked you to move...
And just said, "Excuse me."
Because that's all you wanted
I wish I would have have told you I loved you more
and I wish you really would have knew
I wish I could have explained things better
to help you understand...
I wish I would have never lashed out at you
and would have just been your backbone...
like you knew me to be
like I should have been
Where I want to be.
But it's all done now
Its all a memory
All a part of my hope box, my memories, my journals and my diaries.
A piece of my mind that i don't like to reflect on...
Waiting for it to go away
I wonder if I smoked a blunt....
If i could selectively erase just one page
Probably not...
And while tomorrow is a new day
It will probably still bring the same struggles of yesterday.
But for now... I feel beautiful and I can breathe in
Serenity
And breathe out
Solitude
And that's all I need...
-Victoria Ashley
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Day 4::: My Best Day By Far!
HELLO BLOGGERS!! and the nosey people who read them :)
Let me start off by saying that I truly hope everyone had an AMAZING Thanksgiving!! I know I did!
My day started off a little rocky but as I've been doing for the last few days, I started my day with the Word of GOD and it calmed my spirit and my being as a whole :)
I feel so good inside and out today! I'm loving the self-empowerment that is being placed in my life! It makes me feel like nothing can touch me and if something does touch me... I can shake it right off a few minutes later. And all I had to do was submit my love, my life and my mind to HIM... it was that simple. He wanted all of me and he made me need him, and I submit myself to HIM and the GREATER GOOD of LIFE daily.
Today I went to my grandparents house for Thanksgiving and I had a blast! I haven't felt that good in ages!! I felt so free, so exhilarated! I also haven't that much of a good time with my family in a while lol. My brother, sister and I had too much fun laughing and joking around and my best friend came by for dinner and to talk and I needed that SUPER bad. I mean if anyone is ever gonna be real with me and completely understand where I'm coming from, it's her. So we sat down and had a convo about some stuff I've been going through recently in all areas of my life and it was an amazing feeling to talk to someone who was responsive to what I had to say... but at the same time, she isn't hearing it every day so.... yea. Just throwing that acknowledgment out there :)
Right now I'm sitting in my arm chair cuddled up with me listening to Smokie Norful's cd "Live" and this brotha right here has the true gift of ministry! Tomorrow is Black Friday and as soon as I finish talkin to ya'll I'm gonna check all the sales papers online and see if I actually need to wake up tomorrow because real talk......... I don't want to LOL. I'm thinking about getting online tomorrow and Cyber Monday and knocking out everything. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M GETTING PEOPLE FOR CHRISTMAS YET!! I'm so behind this year... at this time last year I had my list made with the stores I needed to go to, what time they opened and how much it was going to be. I knocked out my entire family last year in...... 3-4 hours at ONE mall. This year is definitely going to be a different story. And I don't really like shopping by myself and def. not at 3 or 4 in the darn morning! Oh No! Last year I went with my girlfriend at the time and it was soooo much fun! I enjoyed her company and she really helped me out. The year before that... I think that was the year I went with my Liciaboo :) Speaking of her, I miss that chick.
I have to put my leftover pie "batter" in a freezer bag and put it in the freezer until I need to make more pies. Then I need to put away all my leftovers from today. SUPER GLAD that my friend Kia enjoyed her pie today!
All in all today was an amazing day and I feel like I'm the same me I was a year ago! HAPPY, BLESSED and THANKFUL! AND I PRAISE HIM ON TONIGHT FOR GIVING ME THE STRENGTH TO KEEP MOVING ON AND FOR PLACING HIS SPIRIT IN ME!
Today I am waaayyyy more than just1inspiredmind.
Today I am Victoria Ashley.
Let me start off by saying that I truly hope everyone had an AMAZING Thanksgiving!! I know I did!
My day started off a little rocky but as I've been doing for the last few days, I started my day with the Word of GOD and it calmed my spirit and my being as a whole :)
I feel so good inside and out today! I'm loving the self-empowerment that is being placed in my life! It makes me feel like nothing can touch me and if something does touch me... I can shake it right off a few minutes later. And all I had to do was submit my love, my life and my mind to HIM... it was that simple. He wanted all of me and he made me need him, and I submit myself to HIM and the GREATER GOOD of LIFE daily.
Today I went to my grandparents house for Thanksgiving and I had a blast! I haven't felt that good in ages!! I felt so free, so exhilarated! I also haven't that much of a good time with my family in a while lol. My brother, sister and I had too much fun laughing and joking around and my best friend came by for dinner and to talk and I needed that SUPER bad. I mean if anyone is ever gonna be real with me and completely understand where I'm coming from, it's her. So we sat down and had a convo about some stuff I've been going through recently in all areas of my life and it was an amazing feeling to talk to someone who was responsive to what I had to say... but at the same time, she isn't hearing it every day so.... yea. Just throwing that acknowledgment out there :)
Right now I'm sitting in my arm chair cuddled up with me listening to Smokie Norful's cd "Live" and this brotha right here has the true gift of ministry! Tomorrow is Black Friday and as soon as I finish talkin to ya'll I'm gonna check all the sales papers online and see if I actually need to wake up tomorrow because real talk......... I don't want to LOL. I'm thinking about getting online tomorrow and Cyber Monday and knocking out everything. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M GETTING PEOPLE FOR CHRISTMAS YET!! I'm so behind this year... at this time last year I had my list made with the stores I needed to go to, what time they opened and how much it was going to be. I knocked out my entire family last year in...... 3-4 hours at ONE mall. This year is definitely going to be a different story. And I don't really like shopping by myself and def. not at 3 or 4 in the darn morning! Oh No! Last year I went with my girlfriend at the time and it was soooo much fun! I enjoyed her company and she really helped me out. The year before that... I think that was the year I went with my Liciaboo :) Speaking of her, I miss that chick.
I have to put my leftover pie "batter" in a freezer bag and put it in the freezer until I need to make more pies. Then I need to put away all my leftovers from today. SUPER GLAD that my friend Kia enjoyed her pie today!
All in all today was an amazing day and I feel like I'm the same me I was a year ago! HAPPY, BLESSED and THANKFUL! AND I PRAISE HIM ON TONIGHT FOR GIVING ME THE STRENGTH TO KEEP MOVING ON AND FOR PLACING HIS SPIRIT IN ME!
Today I am waaayyyy more than just1inspiredmind.
Today I am Victoria Ashley.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Day 3::: Okay... I CAN DO THIS
Hey there!
Today is November 23, 2011 and it is Day 3 :)
Today I'm Encouraged, Good and Well thanks to HIS mercy and grace.
Well... lets see here, this morning I woke up and got to baking my sweet potato pies which are going to be amazing! I immediately got my praise on this morning turning on my radio to PRAISE 102.7! (shout out!) And I started my day on a beautiful foot!
I baked a few of my pies and my day hit a tad bit of a road block today when I got agitated and irritated with some words that took me a little out of my element today but you know what... God Kept Me. And when I got upset, I was upset for a little while. I mean I was in the car crying wanting to drive as far as my car could take me and never look back. I was so hurt, so broken down, so shocked and so baffled I didn't know what to do... I pulled over and got my composure then I drove myself home, put the rest of my pies in the oven, turned on 102.7 again and sat down and just listened. And as I sat there I felt my spirit lift and my soul get lighter... I cried, I praised, I prayed and I humbled myself before my God. And when I turned on the radio... the first song that came on was Hezekiah Walker... God Favored Me... And BABBBYYYY I cried my eyes out because that was EXACTLY how I felt.
Like today I remembered what love really is and what it really isn't. And it's patient, caring and it's kind... it's felt most when it's genuine :) I've had my share of love abuse, manipulated and in strength misused. AND I BROKE! I was so broken and hurt and then they said it ya'll.... GOD FAVORED ME! and you know what... I picked my head up and I smiled and I cried harder but not out of pain but because I realize that God is really trying to show me something. And while I may not be fully ready to receive what he has in store for me and what battle he needs me to fight, he's working on me. And Lord! You're putting in overtime! See, I've begun to turn to God instead of the material things in life when I need to be better. When I'm hurting, when I'm broken and I don't know what else to do... I go to God first. It's like I'm being broken down for HIM to rebuild me in the way he needs me and I am willing and I bow my body, mind and spirit down in submission.
Today I was showed what love is... I was showed what it isn't and that the people who you think know you the most sometimes are the ones who don't know you at all and those people will turn on you just as fast as a stranger... I've lost many many people in the last few years and it's okay and I'm just fine with it. I have God as my best friend, my crutch and my backbone and you know what, it couldn't get any better :)
So once again,
Today was Day 3...
Today God revealed a lot to me and showed me that when all else fails, I can lean on him for any and everything and it would be okay as long as I trust in him. And I will and I am.
Today I'm more than just1inspiredmind...
I'm Victoria Ashley
Today is November 23, 2011 and it is Day 3 :)
Today I'm Encouraged, Good and Well thanks to HIS mercy and grace.
Well... lets see here, this morning I woke up and got to baking my sweet potato pies which are going to be amazing! I immediately got my praise on this morning turning on my radio to PRAISE 102.7! (shout out!) And I started my day on a beautiful foot!
I baked a few of my pies and my day hit a tad bit of a road block today when I got agitated and irritated with some words that took me a little out of my element today but you know what... God Kept Me. And when I got upset, I was upset for a little while. I mean I was in the car crying wanting to drive as far as my car could take me and never look back. I was so hurt, so broken down, so shocked and so baffled I didn't know what to do... I pulled over and got my composure then I drove myself home, put the rest of my pies in the oven, turned on 102.7 again and sat down and just listened. And as I sat there I felt my spirit lift and my soul get lighter... I cried, I praised, I prayed and I humbled myself before my God. And when I turned on the radio... the first song that came on was Hezekiah Walker... God Favored Me... And BABBBYYYY I cried my eyes out because that was EXACTLY how I felt.
Like today I remembered what love really is and what it really isn't. And it's patient, caring and it's kind... it's felt most when it's genuine :) I've had my share of love abuse, manipulated and in strength misused. AND I BROKE! I was so broken and hurt and then they said it ya'll.... GOD FAVORED ME! and you know what... I picked my head up and I smiled and I cried harder but not out of pain but because I realize that God is really trying to show me something. And while I may not be fully ready to receive what he has in store for me and what battle he needs me to fight, he's working on me. And Lord! You're putting in overtime! See, I've begun to turn to God instead of the material things in life when I need to be better. When I'm hurting, when I'm broken and I don't know what else to do... I go to God first. It's like I'm being broken down for HIM to rebuild me in the way he needs me and I am willing and I bow my body, mind and spirit down in submission.
Today I was showed what love is... I was showed what it isn't and that the people who you think know you the most sometimes are the ones who don't know you at all and those people will turn on you just as fast as a stranger... I've lost many many people in the last few years and it's okay and I'm just fine with it. I have God as my best friend, my crutch and my backbone and you know what, it couldn't get any better :)
So once again,
Today was Day 3...
Today God revealed a lot to me and showed me that when all else fails, I can lean on him for any and everything and it would be okay as long as I trust in him. And I will and I am.
Today I'm more than just1inspiredmind...
I'm Victoria Ashley
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Disappointed
Hey... today is Tuesday, November 22, 2011...
Today... I disappointed myself.
I allowed the same thing that hurt me yesterday to hurt me today.
Today someone I used to adore... someone I used to smile for... broke me down and I don't know if I can forgive this person for the things they said to me... if I even have it in me to try to forget it...
I feel so drained of life... like the words sucked the nurturing love of my soul right from my body... and all I could do was sit there and ask why?
Why do I deserve the things I go through?
Why do I cry over and over again about the same shit?
Why do I keep allowing myself to walk back into battle when I'm already wounded?
And I pray.... but maybe I'm praying for the wrong thing...
I'm tired ya'll...
I'm weaker than I've ever been in my life... I've got all this mouth on me lol and for the first time in my life... I barely have the strength to stand up for myself...
Here's my video I did today about my day... Sorry if it's a tad bit all over the place, my mind doesnt work in a specific order and I'm sleepy lol
Peace & Love
Today... I disappointed myself.
I allowed the same thing that hurt me yesterday to hurt me today.
Today someone I used to adore... someone I used to smile for... broke me down and I don't know if I can forgive this person for the things they said to me... if I even have it in me to try to forget it...
I feel so drained of life... like the words sucked the nurturing love of my soul right from my body... and all I could do was sit there and ask why?
Why do I deserve the things I go through?
Why do I cry over and over again about the same shit?
Why do I keep allowing myself to walk back into battle when I'm already wounded?
And I pray.... but maybe I'm praying for the wrong thing...
I'm tired ya'll...
I'm weaker than I've ever been in my life... I've got all this mouth on me lol and for the first time in my life... I barely have the strength to stand up for myself...
Here's my video I did today about my day... Sorry if it's a tad bit all over the place, my mind doesnt work in a specific order and I'm sleepy lol
Peace & Love
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