Internal Struggles

So... maybe it's me.

Maybe I'm the idiot who fell for someone a little too hard, a little too fast. 

Maybe I should look harder before I leap.

Maybe everything really isn't what it seems.

Maybe love and trust are all a game.

Maybe it was meant to be this way.

It's not your fault I'm hurting...

I just don't want to cry.

I'm internalizing all my pains so that I can wipe your eyes.

Maybe this is foolish.

Maybe I'm just blind.

Jumping into one relationship when you haven't left the other one behind.

So my pains are all my problem.

They are all my fault.

I pray for guidance and I get no response.

I'm lost in a world of deceit and lies.

If you're hurt who's going to wipe my eyes?

I'm sick of hearing her name.

I'm tired of you caring.

How am I supposed to take my place,

If I feel like I'm constantly sharing.

Somethings got to give,

This isn't what I wanted.

Now everyday just feels like another day that's haunted.

Every time I'm with you, her name comes up.

Now I'm starting to wonder why you're even moving your stuff...

You care too much,

I don't even have your full heart.

I'll probably never get it,

It was all a game from the start.

She plays and you play back.

Both of ya'll are addicted to a game,

I've been there, done that.

I see where this is going,

It ain't looking good.

My heart wants to pull out now 

It will only hurt a little...

But something tells me you need me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the glue that holds you together.

I'm the sanity that keeps you strong.

But this shit is getting old. 

You said I wouldn't ever have to deal with her...

You told me that part of your life was done...

But for some reason she knows all our business and what's to come.

So forgive me if I'm bitter

Excuse me if I'm rude

But it's my place as your woman to be a tad bit prude. 

I want to run in the opposite direction

But it hurts too much to leave

I love the way you make me feel

I love your touch, 

How our conversations have always been so real.

I love how you make me smile and how I can do the same 

But I'm beginning to feel like I don't belong.

I'm scared that you'll push me away

I'm terrified that nothing I do matters

I work my ass off to understand

I do things just to make you smile

But when it comes down to it...

I always lose...

She always ruins it.

So what am I supposed to do?

I feel like I'm in a relationship with you and her

Her fuckin' name comes up so much I get sick

I just want to call it quits

You don't know what you want

And me? I'm already sick of this shit.

I just can't leave you and internally...

I'm crying.

I'm dying.

I'm stressing.

I'm lying.

I'm burning.

I'm sighing.

I'm hurting.

But I'm trying...