I hate this feeling... I hate feeling like there's nothing I can do... I can't help... I don't even know what's going on. I hate when she's not happy...
Sitting here feeling like an inadequate girlfriend. Like I just don't do things right. Someone, somewhere would know how do handle her stresses and her bad moods... Why don't I? Why can't I figure this out. It's like when she's not happy I walk on eggshells because I don't want her to lash out at me. I don't know... Have you ever been in this kind of situation? It doesn't even have to be a relationship but just in general...? Maybe I'm just too sensitive and hard on myself. I blame myself for everything. Whenever something isn't right I'm always blaming myself, even when it doesn't have anything to do with me. Is that bad?
Anyway, today I woke up feeling horrible and accidentally took NyQuil instead of DayQuil... so I was out of it from about 11am to 5:30ish... I was no longer sneezing, coughing and sniffling BUT now I was sleepy, dizzy and so out of it I wasn't sure I was really walking or not. I'm so glad that wore off before the first RHA meeting which was at 7.
OH! I GOT MY ACCEPTANCE PACKET FROM UofM YESTERDAY!!!! I'm soooo happy!! I have Transfer Orientation on April 15th from 9am-1pm. While I'm super excited I feel really bad because I feel like me being closer to her is actually adding to her stress right now... I don't know but at the same time I feel like me being there will make things so much better and easier. Atleast then I'll be around her and I'll be able to give her hugs and kisses when she's down. A hug and kiss from the one you love when you're down can be enough to turn your day around sometimes. :)
I just hope that I'm not the cause of her stress... You know this blogging has really been helping me stay sane recently. This was probably the smartest thing I could have done over Winter Break and I'm really glad I'm sticking to it. It helps me get some emotions out and just debrief. It's almost like I don't know how to relax and after i write all this down I can finally unwind and breathe. I hate that I'm so high strung. It's like a curse... All good comes with bad right? Gotta pretend to study for class tomorrow. I know I'll probably fall asleep before I read anything which is why I say pretend. Have a wonderful day/night... whatever time you're reading this.
By the way... I think I might check out this All Saints Episcopal Church my grandmama told me about... I kinda feel like I need to go... I don't like when I get these feelings but if my gut is telling me to go to church 9 times out of 10 somebody wants me to sit my put down in a church. (I didn't say I would go to the service, but I will go sit in the church.) It's been a while... I'll probably do that real soon... Let you know how that goes. Last time I sat down in front of a statue of Jesus I broke down in tears and one of my friends sat and cried with me. I don't even know why it happened... I can't even explain it. It sounds stupid but something in me just gave out. The one place and person I can take my mask off with. I've noticed I talk to "God" a lot more than I thought... the other day I was walking to class and I felt like I was going to have an asthma attack in the cold, with my backpack and my guitar... The air was so dry and I caught myself walking saying, "Lord... please just let me get up this hill and to the door" and when I got there I caught myself saying, "Thank you Lord." I shocked the crap outta myself but hey it's cool lol. It's not like I don't believe in God or Jesus or anything... Like I said before I just believe in the Hercules Theory lol.
Okay seriously this time. Goodbye lol
An Inspired Mind.
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