This Wasn't Supposed To Hurt

This was supposed to be easy...

I said I wouldn't care.

She tripped out on me... Over a friend I've had for YEARS!

Why the hell am I surprised?

Thats the reason I didn't tell her in the first place. Because she trips about EVERYTHING.

So... She's gone and I think this time for good. I'm trying to stop myself from chasing after her. I'm trying really hard. It's so hard. I keep telling myself that she ain't shit. I deserve better than she could ever give. Which is true. But I love her... or Did I used to love her?

I was officially fed up with her shit Sunday... I WAS TOO DONE. Monday she pushed me over the edge and Tuesday she's gone. Why am I hurting? She's said so many hurtful things to me. She's been the biggest bitch I've ever met for the last 4 months. There have been days when I wanted to tell her that I hate her. So why am I hurting? Why do I give a fuck?! For the last few months she's hurt me more than she's made me smile. She's cheated with internet bitches. She's lied to me. She's been a horrible girlfriend. Why do I fucking care?! I hold on to the woman I used to know. I hold on to the woman I fell in love with, who like I said in my last blog... I ain't seen that woman since October. The woman who loved me so much and showed it everyday no matter what. Could have a hard day and still smile at me.

I'm going to heal in time. Rebuild the woman I am, pick up the pieces of who I was and start over. I gave damn near a year of my life to her... I gave her everything I had. Never cheated, Never looked at anyone else, Never wanted anyone else. I was guilty of loving her, missing her like hell and dealing with her bullshit. But you know what she's been an unappreciative bitch for a while now. She hasn't cared about me or my feelings for months. She walked away from me like I'm not shit to her. Just an accessory that she didn't want anymore.

Well... I can name some shit I don't need anymore
1. Her flipflopping attitude problem. She's happy one second, irritated and mad the next. I'M GOOD.
2. Her bullshit. Just in general all the extra shit I have to deal with being with her.
3. Her insecurities. It's not my fault she doesn't trust me. She has so many damn trust issues. I'm so tired of having that bullshit taken out on me when I NEVER deserved.

My hair was falling out because I was stressed about my relationship. I've been walking on eggshells for MONTHS.

I AM A BEAUTIFUL, HIGH SPIRITED, WONDERFUL WOMAN. I care about the world and the things in it (except spiders and mosquitoes)

No one wants to be in a relationship where they aren't appreciated, cared for, wanted, needed or loved.

So if all this is fucked up and wrong... Why do I love her so much? Why do I want her here? Why?!

.An Inspired Mind.