Being told about yourself

(THERE WILL BE NO CENSORING IN THIS BLOG)

Hey Ppl!

So... for the last few days I've been told about myself, and ya'll know what I mean. When someone throws reality in your face and that shit hits you hard. You sit there for a whole day like, "What the fuck was that supposed to mean!?" Well... Let me put you up to speed on just the important shit.

Me and Rhajah broke up... it's been horrible and it's only been a day... I've been an emotional wreck. It's like my world has turned itself upside down and I just don't understand why... Well thats not true... I do know why. See, I've been through the whole break up "Bitch get outta my face" thing before... I've been through the "I just can't do this shit anymore" thing, and I've been broken up with... But I've never been broken up with by someone who means more to me than myself...

I guess she got fed up with all the outside bullshit. My friends all up in our shit, people all up in our shit and just random bullshit on top of my bullshit. I mean I guess all the stuff I go through is enough to drive anyone mad and then to have to deal with my stupid ass friends just pushed stuff over the edge. So I deleted my facebook, well deactivated since facebook since they done give you the option to "delete" (what kind of shit is that!?). Anyway... I got rid of all outside people so that we could focus on us and just us... So I've spent hours and probably a million text messages telling her that I don't want to be without her because she's my world (because she wont answer my calls... ouch).

So all week she's had these meetings that last ALL DAY and that doesn't bother me... okay I kinda miss her during the day because she's busy and I'm used to being able to text her throughout the day... So... I've been texting her throughout the day (yesterday and this morning) trying to tell her that I don't want to be without her and I guess I didn't think how irritating I am being. I mean... if the tables were turned and I was sitting in a meeting and she kept texting me I would be like oh my god shut the fuck up already so... yea I cant blame her for what she said to me... She told me that I'm being annoying and childish... and then when I told her that I just didn't want to lose her she asked me if it ever occurred to me that the reason she doesn't want to be with me is because I'm "NEEDY, SMOTHERING AND DEMANDING".

....................................................................................................................................................................

yea... so... uhh NO! I didn't think of that because I didn't know I was being any of those, shit... So this shit is going to marinate in my mind for like... days I know it. I guess I can see where she's coming from... She's busy all day and she works and I have class so at the end of the day I want her to myself, I guess that could be Needy and Smothering. I wanted to spend time with her regardless of what she had to do for Valentine's Day and threw a bitch fit about it, Needy and Demanding. I get a tad bit irritated when she has a full day and I don't because I'm going to miss her all day... Needy and Smothering... Okay I see where she's coming from... Damn. GROW UP VICTORIA! Shit. When I got into this relationship I didn't need shit from her or anyone else, I was doing the damn thing and I didn't care if I talked to her or not but when I did it was a nice surprise. Then all of a sudden I fell in love and became child like. UGH! Nobody likes someone like that. I'm a grown ass woman, what the fuck am I doing?! Talking to her should be something that brightens up my day as a surprise and not an expectation.

It's time for me to get my independence back. Ugh... I'm really irritated and quite disgusted with this child like attitude I've taken up. I want to be with a grown ass woman, I gotta get back to my grown ass woman.

This shit is not sexy, it's ignorant.

I need a fuckin hobby so I'm not always trying to talk to her because that's what the fuck happened. I stopped everything in my life because I wanted her. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to be with her. That's not what this is about. I am a beautiful, strong willed, and outspoken young woman. Not this shit I've been acting like. Somewhere down the line I lost myself... It's time for me to start putting me first again and remembering who the hell I am. I can love her and show her that while still doing my own thing and handling my own business. I don't need to be up under her ass all the time and I don't need to talk to her all the time. What the fuck happened to me?!

Say it with me, "Welcome Back Victoria Ashley, where the fuck you been bitch?!"

.An Inspired Mind.