So... what's wrong?

Hey everyone!!

K, so... I guess sometime last night Rhajah decided she wants to be with me... idk when but, she did. All I know is she called me baby and it completely turned my world upside down because I honestly believed she was gone, I had pretty much given up, and if I was lucky we would be friends. I'm happy, I'm thankful, but nothing feels the same...

And that's my fault. See... after I've been hurt, I put this metal guard around my heart that will shock anyone who tries to touch it... But why am I doing this with her? I love her... I know she didn't mean to hurt me the way she did. Hell, she may not even know that when she left it hurt me this bad. So why is my guard up to her... As I'm typing I feel it coming down some... I'm smiling thinking about her and our times together. We have so much going for us... At least I think so.

(I'm hungry... brb)

30 minutes later....

So... I found out yesterday that in the Fall I will be formally accepted into the Social Work program at OU, so I'm not transferring anywhere when my Academic Advisor just told me that if I go Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring Summer... I'll graduate Fall of 2011 of Winter 2012 at the latest! Thats not that far off! I'm really excited about my life and where it's going. For a little while I felt like everything I was doing was really headed on the path to no where but now things are starting to clear up for me and independence and the rest of my life are right around the corner. It's a damn good feeling.

I've decided what my goal is for my relationship... Before we broke up on Wednesday, Rhajah used to always tell me that I don't let her miss me... My goal is for her to actually mean it when she says I miss you too. I mean of course I'm going to talk to her all the time and I'll text her throughout the day but I'm not going to be attached to her leg like I was before lol I'm walking on my own now. I think it's a lot better of a relationship when the person you're with is walking beside you not holding onto you dragging on the ground. And I feel like thats exactly what I was doing. So this time around I'm going to try a little something different with her. Instead of always chasing her and fighting for her time, I'm going to get a freakin hobby and let her come to me when she wants to and when she has time. Before you start thinking I'm nuts and it's never going to work... I'm not saying I'm never going to come to her. Of course I will, she's my baby, my love. I'm going to call her just to say hey and I love you all the time. But instead of her being like OMG wtf does she want now... I'll be a nice little refreshment in a hard day. I don't want to be the annoying girlfriend who never goes away. I want to be the wife who knows how to make her smile in the middle of the day.

Thats the goal.

Wow... I started blogging, got hungry so I cooked breakfast, and I came back to finish and now I feel refreshed. I feel wonderful. No pain. All smiles. I'm happy. I'm in love and I'm loving it.

.An Inspired Mind.