What a mothers words can start

So, I just had a wonderful conversation with my mama about my relationship. It was inspirational, realistic and motivational. We talked for probably about an hour, skipping from subject to subject of course but we stopped at Rhajah. My mother likes her... and that makes me really happy. But here's what I want to talk about. Right before we got off the phone, Dash, my moms dog started barking and she said, "Oh, well dad's home, let me hop off this phone and get his plate ready."

That sentence... it really hit me hard. Not because of the content of it, but just what it is. I want that and I want it bad. I can see myself as that kind of wife. It's things like that where I feel like I could be a housewife. I know I'm independent and I love being on my own and out in the workforce but... it's such a cute gesture, ya know? I would love to make her dinner and have her plate ready and hot when she sits down. That would be so perfect to me. I mean of course I'd have to learn to cook first, so my version might start off as, "Girl, Rhajah just pulled up let me hop off this phone so I can help make dinner." (And yes I do plan on that being my sentence word for word. She's the only woman I want) One day, I'll be able to make dinner for her and have it ready when she gets home. She's always tired, I would love to do that for her. I don't even care if that means I can only work part time, I'll be home by 2 every day so I can go to the grocery store and have dinner ready by 4:30.

It's crazy how my plans are changing. A few months ago she wanted me to stay home or work part time and I was like you've lost your mind. Honestly, I want to be a Social Work, I just don't think that's something I want to do EVERY DAY. I think I would lose my sanity. I'm completely okay working 3 days a week and bringing in enough income to get my hair and nails done once a week and buy my clothes (because I doubt she'd let me pay for much of anything else). This mindset is nuts to me! I'm looking forward to taking her braids down, washing her hair, pressing it out and rebraiding it. SINCE WHEN!? What has gotten into me?! Whatever it is, I want it to stay.

You know early in my relationship with Rhajah she asked me to sing her a song when I was ready. I sang it when I thought I was ready... but I'm just now really understanding. I'm just now understanding the words behind the song... I'm finally feeling it. It's more than a song to me. I sit here listening to it and tears come into my eyes and slowly fall down my cheeks. I am ready for love.

I may not be able to tell you what love is... but I can tell you what it isn't. It's not selfish, unappreciative, disrespectful, rude, or just a word you say because the other person said it first.

I've always been torn between two different me's. One side of me wanted a family, to stay at home and cook my way through a cookbook and a dessert book. One side of me wants to buy a house that's not completely up to par and fix it up as a couple... TOGETHER.
The other side of me wants to work full time. 40 or more hours a week. Late nights and Early mornings. A blackberry that wont stop ringing. A corner office that overlooks the city. People reporting to me. Business suits and heels everyday. No family. No partner. Maybe a dog and a few fish. A housekeeper and the neighbors kids when I get lonely (if i have time to be lonely)...

I'll take the first option.

Final Choice.

.An Inspired Mind.