Hey you! Whoever you are :)
It's been a couple days since I've said anything to you. I'm emotionally dead. I think I'm going through some huge depression... I feel alone, I feel sad, I feel unwanted.
My girlfriend told me Tuesday morning that she basically doesn't think I can do anything for myself. That I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth and that without my parents I wouldn't know what to do with myself. She thinks I'm unable to care for myself, that I have no street smart but a lot of book smart. That stayed on my mind all Tuesday and kind of led into Wednesday... I told her that I dropped it and that we didn't have to talk about it anymore... But she'd be a fool to believe me.
I've never been stabbed in the heart so tough. She tried to comfort me and then she basically said eff it. She went from, "I'm sorry, I won't come at you like that anymore. Just cheer up." to "I wont apologize for what I said but I'm sorry you're hurting." I'm not sure why I expected her to give a damn about my feelings (excuse my language), I don't think she ever does.
Today she took a personal day... she took pictures of herself and then dedicated herself to photoshop and redesigning her webpage... I always come after something. She's always my first priority, I feel like I'm rarely hers.
So I went to lunch with my best friend today... We went to Applebees and caught up on everything we had missed from each others lives. We ate this Triple Chocolate Meltdown that I really needed for my life... The taste of warm chocolate and fudge mixed with vanilla icecream was so soothing. It killed every pain, every doubt and every hurt I had instantly... and then it wore off. I guess chocolate can be the answer sometimes.
Well.. I don't really have much else to say... I'm having a hard time talking right now because I'm hurt...
I would like to just temporarily disappear.
An Inspired Mind.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
The Reality of A Bad Dream
Hey there,
Last night I had a horrible dream that has really been tearing me apart. Yesterday I told you about how my mom and Rhajah were getting along and how they liked each other at this point. Well... I talked to my grandmama about it and how happy I was and it was like she didn't even care. Like the fact that my mother was condoning my relationship and inviting me and Rhajah to the house whenever we so choose to come disgusted her.
I cannot even explain to you the pain that caused in me and how it has only grown today. I honestly don't believe thats it possible to love pieces of people... either you take them for who they are and love them fully or you don't love them at all... At this point I'm feeling pretty unloved.
I'm honestly tired of my grandmother. Every time I get mad at her and tell her how I feel she tells me I'm being rude and disrespectful and that she is my mother figure and that my mother hasn't done anything for me and she's been the one who raised me and took care of me. Thats not true and I hate it when she says it. My mother offered me a home, it may not have been the best household but it was a home. She fed me and took me to school. She got me clothes when I needed them and while I always felt like the odd ball out she was there. I chose to leave. She didn't ask me to and she didn't put me out, I left. At a certain point you just get sick of feeling like no one cares and you get tired of being hit and talked to like you are nothing. But just because I left does not mean that she can throw the fact that my mother may have made some mistakes in my face. Quite frankly I think that trait was passed down from my grandmother to my father because he's no better when he's upset.
I think this may be the most emotional thing I've written in a very long time. I have a headache from crying but I dont care because it feels good to cry.
Back to my dream... I had a "nightmare" that my mother supporting my relationship tore our entire family apart. My grandmother wouldn't talk to me or my mom, she didnt want to see my little brother and sister because they really liked Rhajah. My grandfather was more miserable than usual. My mother didn't care about my grandmother being pissed off but she was hurt because she really cares about my grandfather and my grandmother wouldnt let the kids come see him. All of this because of my lifestyle, if I was heterosexual it wouldn't matter.
When I was in highschool I had a history teacher named Mr. Cona. I really looked up to him and wanted to be just like him because he was so cool. One day in class he said something that I didn't really understand, I was just coming out at school and no one really cared. My friends were still my friends and nothing changed. The boys that liked me respected my lifestyle and became almost like my brothers so I had no clue what life would be like after I walked out of Avondale High. So in this class one morning somehow we got on the subject of homosexuality, no one was really against it, everyone was just like hey whatever do what you want to make you happy. Cona said, "I admire homosexual people. Why would anyone choose to live that lifestyle with all the bashing, all the hate, heartache and dismay that comes with it." That day I sat there thinking what in the world is this man talking about. My life was grand, nothing had changed and I got to be with a woman who at that time made me happy. Now, I understand.
Most people dread getting older and growing up because of the responsibility that comes along with it. I dread it because reality tastes really salty.
An Inspired Mind
Last night I had a horrible dream that has really been tearing me apart. Yesterday I told you about how my mom and Rhajah were getting along and how they liked each other at this point. Well... I talked to my grandmama about it and how happy I was and it was like she didn't even care. Like the fact that my mother was condoning my relationship and inviting me and Rhajah to the house whenever we so choose to come disgusted her.
I cannot even explain to you the pain that caused in me and how it has only grown today. I honestly don't believe thats it possible to love pieces of people... either you take them for who they are and love them fully or you don't love them at all... At this point I'm feeling pretty unloved.
I'm honestly tired of my grandmother. Every time I get mad at her and tell her how I feel she tells me I'm being rude and disrespectful and that she is my mother figure and that my mother hasn't done anything for me and she's been the one who raised me and took care of me. Thats not true and I hate it when she says it. My mother offered me a home, it may not have been the best household but it was a home. She fed me and took me to school. She got me clothes when I needed them and while I always felt like the odd ball out she was there. I chose to leave. She didn't ask me to and she didn't put me out, I left. At a certain point you just get sick of feeling like no one cares and you get tired of being hit and talked to like you are nothing. But just because I left does not mean that she can throw the fact that my mother may have made some mistakes in my face. Quite frankly I think that trait was passed down from my grandmother to my father because he's no better when he's upset.
I think this may be the most emotional thing I've written in a very long time. I have a headache from crying but I dont care because it feels good to cry.
Back to my dream... I had a "nightmare" that my mother supporting my relationship tore our entire family apart. My grandmother wouldn't talk to me or my mom, she didnt want to see my little brother and sister because they really liked Rhajah. My grandfather was more miserable than usual. My mother didn't care about my grandmother being pissed off but she was hurt because she really cares about my grandfather and my grandmother wouldnt let the kids come see him. All of this because of my lifestyle, if I was heterosexual it wouldn't matter.
When I was in highschool I had a history teacher named Mr. Cona. I really looked up to him and wanted to be just like him because he was so cool. One day in class he said something that I didn't really understand, I was just coming out at school and no one really cared. My friends were still my friends and nothing changed. The boys that liked me respected my lifestyle and became almost like my brothers so I had no clue what life would be like after I walked out of Avondale High. So in this class one morning somehow we got on the subject of homosexuality, no one was really against it, everyone was just like hey whatever do what you want to make you happy. Cona said, "I admire homosexual people. Why would anyone choose to live that lifestyle with all the bashing, all the hate, heartache and dismay that comes with it." That day I sat there thinking what in the world is this man talking about. My life was grand, nothing had changed and I got to be with a woman who at that time made me happy. Now, I understand.
Most people dread getting older and growing up because of the responsibility that comes along with it. I dread it because reality tastes really salty.
An Inspired Mind
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Long but Not So Long Day
Good Evening! I hope you had an absolutely wonderful day because mine was just delightful!
I meant to write this morning but I was being lazy so let me completely re-cap for you.
Yesterday ,as you know, I went to my moms house for Christmas and we did the whole family dinner thing which was cool. Everything was wonderful until my step fathers darn near ENTIRE family came over and my mom didn't even know they were coming... it was all bad. But we are socialites so we adjusted and entertained.
I also succeeded in crashing my mothers laptop while deleting some of her old files and cleaning out her system I accidentally deleted some stuff that she needed and completely messed it up
BUT
My girlfriend is AMAZING and she walked my mom step by step over the phone to fix her laptop. It was amazing to listen to. Especially because my mom wasn't too fond of her and my girlfriend wasn't to fond of my mother. At the end of the conversation my mother was offering to buy dinner and they wanted to meet. WHAT!? WOW! What a turn around. I'm estatic about it though. I mean there is no better feeling that knowing you mom approves of and likes the person you date. Even though me and mama aren't extremely close I still look for her approval in a lot whether she knows it or not. It's almost like now that I don't need her approval anymore I seek it. Odd.
I planned on going out to the movies today with my big sister but... parents can be a pain and they can easily pull the plug on your plans no matter how "grown" you may think you are... so we ended up not going. There's always tomorrow, right? I hope.
Speaking of that... Rhajah really irritated me this morning... (Wait, I don't know if you know who Rhajah is... Rhajah is my girlfriend (I ABSOLUTELY ADORE HER NAME!)) Anywho... she deeply irritated me this morning because I was talking about my New Years plans and going skating or whatever and she said she didn't have any plans. That kind of bummed me out because I think people should always do something fun and exciting on New Years because it's a New Year you know? Start it off right! But she said she didn't have anything to do. I wanted to invite her out with me but I just didn't think she would have much fun with my friends and myself so... I didn't. Instead I just told her that I didnt want her just sitting around on New Years so of course she had to go sarcastic talking about how she would just go out to the club all night. I guess maybe she thought that would irritate me but it didnt. Heck, I almost don't care where she goes as long as she has some fun. She sees New Years as just another random day and to me it's like a blessing, ITS HUGE! Not only is it another day someone, somewhere, somehow woke you up for... but it's a new year, A NEW DECADE. (That may only be 2 years long according to some lol). I dont know ya'll, sometimes I worry about her.
I think my main worry about my relationship with her is Christmas... It's like she hates it. i love Christmas... don't really care about that whole "Keep the Christ in Christmas" crap but I am thankful for all the gifts I receive and I feel good seeing other people light up when they see what I got them. I suppose I could do without the lights and the tree... I want her to feel comfortable when I move in with her next year so I can sacrifice some... well... A LOT. But she's sacrificed a lot for me too so I won't complain. That's my main fear... I realize there are some friends that I will have to get rid of because it's more important to me to keep the peace in our household than have random friends. Some people say I shouldn't have to do that. Truth is... I don't necessarily have to. Rhajah isn't holding a gun up to my head and saying get rid of those people, I want to and I'm willing to. Just to make her happy. Her happiness is like my 2nd priority, only second to my education and getting this degree.
Well its 7:39 and even though I haven't done anything I'm actually exhausted. I need to start thinking about my New Years Resolutions... Any ideas?
Good night.
An Inspired Mind
I meant to write this morning but I was being lazy so let me completely re-cap for you.
Yesterday ,as you know, I went to my moms house for Christmas and we did the whole family dinner thing which was cool. Everything was wonderful until my step fathers darn near ENTIRE family came over and my mom didn't even know they were coming... it was all bad. But we are socialites so we adjusted and entertained.
I also succeeded in crashing my mothers laptop while deleting some of her old files and cleaning out her system I accidentally deleted some stuff that she needed and completely messed it up
BUT
My girlfriend is AMAZING and she walked my mom step by step over the phone to fix her laptop. It was amazing to listen to. Especially because my mom wasn't too fond of her and my girlfriend wasn't to fond of my mother. At the end of the conversation my mother was offering to buy dinner and they wanted to meet. WHAT!? WOW! What a turn around. I'm estatic about it though. I mean there is no better feeling that knowing you mom approves of and likes the person you date. Even though me and mama aren't extremely close I still look for her approval in a lot whether she knows it or not. It's almost like now that I don't need her approval anymore I seek it. Odd.
I planned on going out to the movies today with my big sister but... parents can be a pain and they can easily pull the plug on your plans no matter how "grown" you may think you are... so we ended up not going. There's always tomorrow, right? I hope.
Speaking of that... Rhajah really irritated me this morning... (Wait, I don't know if you know who Rhajah is... Rhajah is my girlfriend (I ABSOLUTELY ADORE HER NAME!)) Anywho... she deeply irritated me this morning because I was talking about my New Years plans and going skating or whatever and she said she didn't have any plans. That kind of bummed me out because I think people should always do something fun and exciting on New Years because it's a New Year you know? Start it off right! But she said she didn't have anything to do. I wanted to invite her out with me but I just didn't think she would have much fun with my friends and myself so... I didn't. Instead I just told her that I didnt want her just sitting around on New Years so of course she had to go sarcastic talking about how she would just go out to the club all night. I guess maybe she thought that would irritate me but it didnt. Heck, I almost don't care where she goes as long as she has some fun. She sees New Years as just another random day and to me it's like a blessing, ITS HUGE! Not only is it another day someone, somewhere, somehow woke you up for... but it's a new year, A NEW DECADE. (That may only be 2 years long according to some lol). I dont know ya'll, sometimes I worry about her.
I think my main worry about my relationship with her is Christmas... It's like she hates it. i love Christmas... don't really care about that whole "Keep the Christ in Christmas" crap but I am thankful for all the gifts I receive and I feel good seeing other people light up when they see what I got them. I suppose I could do without the lights and the tree... I want her to feel comfortable when I move in with her next year so I can sacrifice some... well... A LOT. But she's sacrificed a lot for me too so I won't complain. That's my main fear... I realize there are some friends that I will have to get rid of because it's more important to me to keep the peace in our household than have random friends. Some people say I shouldn't have to do that. Truth is... I don't necessarily have to. Rhajah isn't holding a gun up to my head and saying get rid of those people, I want to and I'm willing to. Just to make her happy. Her happiness is like my 2nd priority, only second to my education and getting this degree.
Well its 7:39 and even though I haven't done anything I'm actually exhausted. I need to start thinking about my New Years Resolutions... Any ideas?
Good night.
An Inspired Mind
Friday, December 25, 2009
A FORCED BAH HUMBUG
GOOD MORNING! and Merry Christmas for those of you who celebrate it.
It's Christmas and let me just say it does NOT feel like it. Not because of the stupid recession everyone is talking about or the lack of presents under the tree. It doesn't feel like Christmas to me because my grandfather is a manic depressant which means, for those of you who don't know, he gets extremely depressed during holidays especially Christmas... so he tries to bring down the world with him. My grandmother didn't even put up a tree... no one is cooking because we're going down to my mothers for dinner. UGH.
I honestly feel like I could have stayed on campus in my dorm for this and I probably would have had a tree! UGH. So it's raining instead of snowing and we have no decor, no tree, no scent of turkey and dressing... Is it wrong for me to want to get up and drive to my moms right now? It's like... 8:40 a.m. I'm sure they aren't sleep. Wait let me check...
HA! I just called my mother and they are all awake!!! YAYY!!! I'm about to go get ready and leave.
Last night my sister and I came home before heading out to the movies, we only planned on being home for about 15 minutes. Naturally that turned into about an hour. I parked the car right outside of the garage and my grandfather (who can't see worth crap at night time) decided to go out and do something so he backs out of the garage, avoids my truck but hits a rock as he's leaving the driveway. About 30 minutes later when me and my sister are at the mall I get a phone call cursing and screaming at me because I parked my car outside the garage and he hit a rock because of me... Now wait a minute before you go saying, yea Victoria that kind of was your fault.
1) He's half blind and he can't see at night, why was he going out. He never goes out at night.
2) The car was parked there because I didn't plan on being there long and it was night time, he doesn't go out at night.
3) He hit a rock because he decided that even though he saw my truck he would try to get around it knowing he cant see. When I was walking out the door 30 seconds after him. He could have waited and I would have moved the truck or he could have called my name and told me to move the truck. He doesn't hesitate to call me for anything else!
So I drop my sister off at her house and go back to my grandparents. When I open the door my grandmama senses my attitude and automatically goes into, "Just go in there and apologize, it's okay, just apologize." and I looked at her like EXCUSE ME? and I simply told her, "I'm not apologizing for sh*t. It is not my fault he hit the rock. If he would have hit my truck... yea that would have been my fault... but the rock... uh uh.. no buddy."
So I go up to my room and stay there until 9:45 when I left for choir practice because we had Midnight Mass last night. I was so happy at church! I had a wonderful time, the choir... we were amazing. The saxophonist was moving, we had drums, a flutist, organ and baby grand, bass guitar and acoustic. It was amazing!
When I got home my grandfather was being an ass again (excuse my language). So I went to my room and went to bed.
So... as I told you earlier I'm about to go to my mothers house which is playing Christmas tunes, has a tree, lots of decorations EVERYWHERE and just happiness.
Merry Christmas Everyone... Hopefully my Forced Bah Humbug will go away when I get to my moms...
An Inspired Mind
It's Christmas and let me just say it does NOT feel like it. Not because of the stupid recession everyone is talking about or the lack of presents under the tree. It doesn't feel like Christmas to me because my grandfather is a manic depressant which means, for those of you who don't know, he gets extremely depressed during holidays especially Christmas... so he tries to bring down the world with him. My grandmother didn't even put up a tree... no one is cooking because we're going down to my mothers for dinner. UGH.
I honestly feel like I could have stayed on campus in my dorm for this and I probably would have had a tree! UGH. So it's raining instead of snowing and we have no decor, no tree, no scent of turkey and dressing... Is it wrong for me to want to get up and drive to my moms right now? It's like... 8:40 a.m. I'm sure they aren't sleep. Wait let me check...
HA! I just called my mother and they are all awake!!! YAYY!!! I'm about to go get ready and leave.
Last night my sister and I came home before heading out to the movies, we only planned on being home for about 15 minutes. Naturally that turned into about an hour. I parked the car right outside of the garage and my grandfather (who can't see worth crap at night time) decided to go out and do something so he backs out of the garage, avoids my truck but hits a rock as he's leaving the driveway. About 30 minutes later when me and my sister are at the mall I get a phone call cursing and screaming at me because I parked my car outside the garage and he hit a rock because of me... Now wait a minute before you go saying, yea Victoria that kind of was your fault.
1) He's half blind and he can't see at night, why was he going out. He never goes out at night.
2) The car was parked there because I didn't plan on being there long and it was night time, he doesn't go out at night.
3) He hit a rock because he decided that even though he saw my truck he would try to get around it knowing he cant see. When I was walking out the door 30 seconds after him. He could have waited and I would have moved the truck or he could have called my name and told me to move the truck. He doesn't hesitate to call me for anything else!
So I drop my sister off at her house and go back to my grandparents. When I open the door my grandmama senses my attitude and automatically goes into, "Just go in there and apologize, it's okay, just apologize." and I looked at her like EXCUSE ME? and I simply told her, "I'm not apologizing for sh*t. It is not my fault he hit the rock. If he would have hit my truck... yea that would have been my fault... but the rock... uh uh.. no buddy."
So I go up to my room and stay there until 9:45 when I left for choir practice because we had Midnight Mass last night. I was so happy at church! I had a wonderful time, the choir... we were amazing. The saxophonist was moving, we had drums, a flutist, organ and baby grand, bass guitar and acoustic. It was amazing!
When I got home my grandfather was being an ass again (excuse my language). So I went to my room and went to bed.
So... as I told you earlier I'm about to go to my mothers house which is playing Christmas tunes, has a tree, lots of decorations EVERYWHERE and just happiness.
Merry Christmas Everyone... Hopefully my Forced Bah Humbug will go away when I get to my moms...
An Inspired Mind
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Christmas Eve Morning
Good Morning!
It's 7:36 Christmas Eve Morning and my life is already looking pretty chaotic today. Yesterday I ended up running around the city for my mom looking for a "Zune" gift card for my little sister's mp3 player. I ended up finding it at Best Buy, the fourth and LAST store I was going to try. This morning I woke up to a text message from my mom asking me to meet her somewhere so I can give her the gift card... But it's cool.
I had an extremely huge argument with my grandparents yesterday. As I told you before I'm a baptized Catholic lesbian and my grandparents are STRICT Catholics. My grandfather decided to throw a fit over some shoes he found in his car, accusing my girlfriend of leaving them there. So of course I made that phone call and they weren't hers but he wasn't convinced. He went on a raging rant and then asked me if I was the "stud" or "masculine one" in our relationship. So I look down at my ballerina flats, bell bottom flares and fitted t-shirt, roll my eyes and say, "No, granddaddy... I'm not". Then it got tense, "Well if you're not the masculine one... how is she your girlfriend?!" I took a deep breath and say, "She's a woman, right? So that would make her my girlfriend, RIGHT?!" He responds, "Hell, I don't know what the f*ck that is..." and walks away.
So at that point I'm angry, fighting back tears because I'm so sick of not being able to be myself in my own home. I can't even bring my girlfriend home because they find it offensive BUT then they try to attack me saying, "She must not care about you too much Victoria, she hasn't been around here to pick you up or take you out." I sit back thinking... the day my girlfriend rings that doorbell will be the day I come home and my shit is outside on the curb in black plastic bags (please excuse my language).
So I sit here and talk to you... whoever you are... if you even exist.
I found out a few days ago that my mom told my little sister I'm a lesbian. That kind of threw me off at first because when I first came out to my mom she told me that I couldn't tell my little brother and sister ever. So I feel so relieved knowing that my little sister knows and she's known for a while, nothing has changed between us.
Tonight is the midnight mass at my grandmothers church. I have to go because she expects me to sing in the choir for Christmas mass every year. She loves my voice and when I sing at church it puts tears in everyone's eyes... too bad I don't fully relate to the songs I'm singing, I'm just a good performer. I don't know if I can upload music clips to my blog but if I can maybe I'll let you hear a clip or two.
It's not 7:52 and I'm watching my girlfriend sleep on webcam... It's extremely comforting to me and it makes me feel so much better because I can't always be there and she definitely can't be here. I spent Monday and Tuesday with her, she lives about 45 minutes north of me off the highway but I usually make it a 30 minute trip. She bought me a beautiful necklace from Kay Jewelers... it's gorgeous, simple, just how I like it. I'm not really into the flash and glamour lifestyle. Actually let me see if I can get a picture of it in this blog... work with me here...
It's 7:36 Christmas Eve Morning and my life is already looking pretty chaotic today. Yesterday I ended up running around the city for my mom looking for a "Zune" gift card for my little sister's mp3 player. I ended up finding it at Best Buy, the fourth and LAST store I was going to try. This morning I woke up to a text message from my mom asking me to meet her somewhere so I can give her the gift card... But it's cool.
I had an extremely huge argument with my grandparents yesterday. As I told you before I'm a baptized Catholic lesbian and my grandparents are STRICT Catholics. My grandfather decided to throw a fit over some shoes he found in his car, accusing my girlfriend of leaving them there. So of course I made that phone call and they weren't hers but he wasn't convinced. He went on a raging rant and then asked me if I was the "stud" or "masculine one" in our relationship. So I look down at my ballerina flats, bell bottom flares and fitted t-shirt, roll my eyes and say, "No, granddaddy... I'm not". Then it got tense, "Well if you're not the masculine one... how is she your girlfriend?!" I took a deep breath and say, "She's a woman, right? So that would make her my girlfriend, RIGHT?!" He responds, "Hell, I don't know what the f*ck that is..." and walks away.
So at that point I'm angry, fighting back tears because I'm so sick of not being able to be myself in my own home. I can't even bring my girlfriend home because they find it offensive BUT then they try to attack me saying, "She must not care about you too much Victoria, she hasn't been around here to pick you up or take you out." I sit back thinking... the day my girlfriend rings that doorbell will be the day I come home and my shit is outside on the curb in black plastic bags (please excuse my language).
So I sit here and talk to you... whoever you are... if you even exist.
I found out a few days ago that my mom told my little sister I'm a lesbian. That kind of threw me off at first because when I first came out to my mom she told me that I couldn't tell my little brother and sister ever. So I feel so relieved knowing that my little sister knows and she's known for a while, nothing has changed between us.
Tonight is the midnight mass at my grandmothers church. I have to go because she expects me to sing in the choir for Christmas mass every year. She loves my voice and when I sing at church it puts tears in everyone's eyes... too bad I don't fully relate to the songs I'm singing, I'm just a good performer. I don't know if I can upload music clips to my blog but if I can maybe I'll let you hear a clip or two.
It's not 7:52 and I'm watching my girlfriend sleep on webcam... It's extremely comforting to me and it makes me feel so much better because I can't always be there and she definitely can't be here. I spent Monday and Tuesday with her, she lives about 45 minutes north of me off the highway but I usually make it a 30 minute trip. She bought me a beautiful necklace from Kay Jewelers... it's gorgeous, simple, just how I like it. I'm not really into the flash and glamour lifestyle. Actually let me see if I can get a picture of it in this blog... work with me here...
There we go! Isn't it just lovely!? I think so... I especially think so when I look in the mirror and see it around my neck. Are there smileys or emoticons for blogs? I'll have to look into that because I would love to use them.
Well Happy Christmas Eve whoever you are, wherever you are, if you even celebrate christmas... better yet
Happy Christmahanukwanzakah!
Peace & Love
An Inspired Mind
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
New To This...
This morning I watched "Julie & Julia" or "Julia and Julie" whichever and I was partially moved to start a blog. I'm not really sure if this will ever get to anyone's eyes or touch anyone's heart but heck if I can write my thoughts down I might as well so we'll call this my online diary that I'm giving you access to.
I'll start with some background:
I'm currently a student at Oakland University studying Social Work, not because I want to save the world but just one life would be nice. I'm a last-year teenager as I like to think, nineteen years behind me and not enough to go. I live with my grandparents over holiday breaks and summer, they practically raised me from 12 up. My parents are... parents, but from a distance. Since I've been old enough to make my own decisions we've become a lot closer than we were pre-18.
I'm a baptized Catholic lesbian. I grew up in the Catholic church and fell in love with a woman.
I wouldn't call myself a complete Christian, and then the thought comes, "If you're not a complete christian then you're not a Christian at all." WRONG. I believe in God and Jesus.
BUT
I don't believe that God did it all by himself. I call it the Hercules theory. You know the Disney movie where Zeus fights off all the evil WITH THE HELP of the gods under him? Yea... I'm with that. But now that I think about it, maybe there is only one God... that would explain the amount ciaos in the world. Too much sh*t for one to handle. Yea... I went there.
ANYWAY.
If anyone is reading this, you just received a taste of what goes through my mind. I'm not sure how often I'll do this but I'm thinking I'll start at once or twice a day. I feel like I'm succumbing into the internet 'tell all the nosey people of the world what you're doing every 5 minutes' rave but hey, if you want to listen... I love to talk.
Peace & Love
An Inspired Mind.
I'll start with some background:
I'm currently a student at Oakland University studying Social Work, not because I want to save the world but just one life would be nice. I'm a last-year teenager as I like to think, nineteen years behind me and not enough to go. I live with my grandparents over holiday breaks and summer, they practically raised me from 12 up. My parents are... parents, but from a distance. Since I've been old enough to make my own decisions we've become a lot closer than we were pre-18.
I'm a baptized Catholic lesbian. I grew up in the Catholic church and fell in love with a woman.
I wouldn't call myself a complete Christian, and then the thought comes, "If you're not a complete christian then you're not a Christian at all." WRONG. I believe in God and Jesus.
BUT
I don't believe that God did it all by himself. I call it the Hercules theory. You know the Disney movie where Zeus fights off all the evil WITH THE HELP of the gods under him? Yea... I'm with that. But now that I think about it, maybe there is only one God... that would explain the amount ciaos in the world. Too much sh*t for one to handle. Yea... I went there.
ANYWAY.
If anyone is reading this, you just received a taste of what goes through my mind. I'm not sure how often I'll do this but I'm thinking I'll start at once or twice a day. I feel like I'm succumbing into the internet 'tell all the nosey people of the world what you're doing every 5 minutes' rave but hey, if you want to listen... I love to talk.
Peace & Love
An Inspired Mind.
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