The Independence Take Back

Whats good ya'll... I know its been a while. My bad.

I'm not gonna catch you up on whats happened or what you've missed. Naw. I'm gonna introduce you to the next chapter of my life. It's called INDEPENDENCE. See me and independence used to be real cool, like always together type cool, she had my back no matter what. I wasn't stuntin' a thing. It was just me and my independence.

See... somewhere within the last year of my life I think I pissed her off and uhh she dipped on my ass lol but now I need her back. I'm beginning to realize that every relationship I've been in has ended in one or two ways...
1. I'm smothering, clingy and they want some space
2. They cheated... probably as a result of number 1

So now I'm claiming independence back. I need her in my life. I have officially pissed off my girlfriend with my clingy ways and insecurities. The thing about me is that I know that I'm smothering and that's just me. But I also know that my smothering leads people to leave and cheat. So I have a hard time trusting because I know what my ways can do. So I try to tell myself she wouldn't cheat, she wouldn't hurt me but somehow my memory always backtracks to my past relationships where they all cheated and left. I can't take out their shit on her. But I know that I'm the problem. Shit, maybe I need a hobby or something. I always want to talk to her. I always need to hear her voice. I'm always texting her. I feel kinda pathetic. I feel like I've been through this before. I've tried to pull away and failed... horribly. But this time I've got to get it right.

I don't have any real hobbies anymore... Things I used to enjoy, I don't do anymore mostly because I'm always trying to be there for her but she doesn't need me all the time. Maybe I should start painting again, swimming?, crocheting, singing, hanging out with friends. I have to make me happy so that we can be happy. That's what she told me... I'm beginning to understand. I need to find some stuff I like to do and do it. I'm not going to plan my days around her anymore. I'm going to focus on me. I was all about me when I met her. I did my own thing. I enjoyed my own time. I fell in love and started wanting every second of every day to be with her. I forgot about me. I forgot about my happiness, my time, my fun. So right now I'm taking that back. I didn't think it was possible to be in a  relationship and independent, but it is and if I don't start... I'm going to lose her. I'm going to do things that make me happy now. I'm going to stop worrying about talking to her before I do anything. I wont call her when I wake up anymore, wait... maybe I should still do that but not try to take over her entire morning lol.

So Independence, I need me and you to get back on it. Here are my goals, I will knock them out one by one.

1: I will not have my phone attached to my hip all the damn time.

2: I will turn my laptop off at night, its okay if I miss an instant message.

3: I will put my phone on vibrate at night, it's okay if I miss a call

4: I will not check in before and after I do everything

5: I will spend more time thinking about me than her

6: I will not call her back to back. I will call, if she doesn't answer I'll send a text saying what I wanted and move on.

7: I won't be sad when she doesn't want to talk to me. I'll be cool and keep it moving.

8: I WILL NOT BE DEPRESSED BECAUSE WE AREN'T ALWAYS TALKING

Maybe I should turn this into a game... At the beginning of every week (Sunday) I'll start off with 20 points. Every time I break one of these goals I'll subtract one point and if I have less than 10 by Saturday I will punish myself by no facebook for 3 days and no texting for 1. If on Saturday I have 15 or more points I will add 2 to my minimum of 10 and if I have 10-14 points I will add 1 to my minimum for the next week.

Wish me luck! I got this!

.An Inspired Mind.

deciding to live

The decision to take another breath in a day is the biggest decision one will ever make.

We get so stressed out over trivial bullshit, what outfit to wear, why he or she cheated, who we are, whats on the radio... lol... we forget that we've already accomplished the biggest task of them all. We exhaled... and we continued to breathe.

We as a people must stop and breathe, yes, it is a blessing that you woke up this morning, but you are inhaling right now because you told yourself to. That is the biggest task of them all. To stop breathing is to end the beauty you hold.

Now while you're breathing, you may cry, want to die, feel your insides ripped out, and again want to die. But because you took that last breath... and this one... and that one, you're stronger than you believe.

Stop stressing and make the biggest decision one can make.

LIVE.